Hello dear readers -

If this is what thirty is shaping up to look like…I’m all about it.

I’ll let this post speak for itself, so I’ll keep the introduction brief. I was processing the entire week before I turned thirty on December 3rd. I was feeling melancholy and, well, old, but then with a little prayer and a lot of love from my friends and family, I made a promise to focus on making my thirtieth trip around the sun a year where I count the wonderful and numerous blessings God has bestowed on me.

So, today, I share with you thirty lessons, stories, anecdotes - whatever you want to call these entries - that have helped me get to this point in my life. And I thank you, my readers, for continuing to support this website by reading my posts…historical or not.

#1 - Loan Free. I’m glad I took the risk to fund my graduate education without pulling out student loans when I started my History MA in 2014. It was difficult working over 50 hours a week to pay off my tuition, but was totally worth the outcome. Forever grateful to Wegmans for providing me a fantastic scholarship...and now, just a week before this post, I can finally say the credit card with my last tuition balance has been paid off in full.

#2 - History Nerd. If you’d told me I would’ve found an interest in British postcolonial studies and urban guerrilla warfare tactics used in Northern Ireland during the “Troubles” before I started my undergrad, I would’ve thought you were certifiable.

#3 - College Commuter. Living off-campus was such a better college experience for me. Probably the unpopular opinion, but it was nice to have flexibility to commute, have a job, and not gain the “Freshman 15.”

#4 - Slainte. Traipsing across Ireland by myself was much more preferable than joining a planned tour group. I’m not a spontaneous person. Traveling solo helped me become a better risk-taker in all aspects of my life after I returned home to Virginia.

#5 - The Daring Chop. I think every girl should cut her hair off at least once in her twenties. It’s a little easier to control, it grows back even healthier, and it just feels liberating and edgy. I wholly agree with this statement and more, as I cut off my hair not once, not twice, but three times in my twenties, so clearly I’m a “short hair, don’t care” advocate here.

#6 - Eyebrows on Fleek. For most of my life, I had the Frida Kahlo eyebrows and was self-conscious about them because thinner ones were trendier in the early 2000s. Guys made fun of me because of my pseudo-unibrow. No matter how much I tried to shape and work on them, hoping to feel more confident around the high school guys I had crushes on, they still grew back fast...and they stubbornly remained heavy, prominent, and thick. It’s nice to know that my thick eyebrows are finally ‘in vogue’ now that I’ve hit my thirties. Even the ladies who wax my eyebrows compliment my arch and shape - they ensure that they don’t wax them thinner (much to my relief). Let’s hope thick (and natural) brows remain in style for...oh, the rest of my life? What would I tell me in the past? Ummm: “Put the tweezers down!”

#7 - Instant Pot Adventures. I’m so happy I mastered my grandmother’s caldo de pollo (chicken soup) recipe. I think she’d approve of how my recipe tastes, but if she was still alive, would definitely be overwhelmed by using an Instant Pot. I can honestly picture her shaking her head at my insistence to use a pressure cooker...and then watch her return to her conventional stove top to make her soup. Next up in my “to master” recipe list: her perfect flour tortillas. Too bad I can’t make the tortillas in my pressure cooker...

#8 - On Forgiveness. We’ve all been wronged. We’ve all wronged someone in our lives too. I didn’t think after being so wronged by someone I dearly was in love with I could forgive him for the way he hurt me. I held on to my anger towards him for so long. I tried to justify my anger with the thought of “he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.” Then I realized how miserable I was making myself by holding on to my anger and resentment. The pandemic put things into perspective too - life’s short. Why bother wasting it by being bitter? I forgave him, at least, in my mind. We don’t talk. We will probably never talk again. I know, however, if we ever came into contact, my first words would be “I forgive you.” Even if we never speak to each other in this life, I also can live with the knowledge that I deserved to forgive myself for holding on to my anger and hurt over the way he treated me.

And I have forgiven myself. It’s a beautiful thing, that forgiveness. Everyone needs to practice it more. Especially when it comes to forgiving yourself for mistakes you’ve made.

#9 - Skincare > Makeup. As I approach thirty, I have been more focused on taking care of my skin rather than painting it. Don’t get me wrong. I love a good makeup job. I miss wearing lipstick to school - why bother if I’m behind a mask most of the day? If, however, you want to continue to slap those pretty cosmetics on your face, you need a fresh and maintained canvas to make it happen. Go to your dermatologist. Use a fantastic daytime moisturizer with SPF to protect your priceless skin. Don’t forget to take off your makeup at night and cleanse appropriately! Shift your skincare routine for the seasons. Drink a lot of water and eat your veggies...something I still need to do more of, admittedly. The youthful glow that shows up thanks to your skincare regimen will be worth it - you won’t even want to do your makeup!

#10 - The Friendship Game. I only have two friends from my childhood that I still speak to today. No regrets about the ‘friends’ I lost contact with, especially during high school. I hope they’re doing well and that they have made excellent life choices. I’m thrilled, however, with the weird (but lovable) circle of friends I’ve cultivated as I enter this new decade.

#11 - The One Who Got Away. When I was in grad school, I wasn’t expecting to fall in love. My goal was to finish my program and hopefully start a career in my field. Then I locked eyes with a guy named John when I walked into my research seminar class (a “meet cute” if there ever was one) and our story took off from there. Unfortunately, as much as I fought for our relationship, he barely made an effort when he returned home to Chatham and we continued long-distance. I remember mailing him care packages and sending him texts after days of radio silence.

Over one phone call in May of 2016, just as I was about to start my comprehensive exams, I ended it when John told me he didn’t want kids - (and I quote, “not even with me”) - and I haven’t heard from him since. I heard he’s married now, and although I thought it would’ve been with me, I’m happy that he is happy with his wife. I’m happy knowing we didn’t get married. Why? Because I’m sure we would’ve been divorced by now if his lack of effort had continued during our marriage. We would’ve been miserable and I’m relieved I didn’t waste my twenties trapped in a miserable union with John.

#12 - Forever the “Nice” Girl. I don’t know if when people call me the “nice” girl if that is code for being a “pushover.” I have a tendency to give and do favors for people, even ones I barely know, because I have this fear that I won’t be liked at all if I say no. It all usually backfires - the people I help end up ignoring me or continue to take advantage of my kindnesses. I don’t ever expect to be repaid for the favors I offer others. I, however, get disappointed when I’m forgotten about. I think this decade is going to be the decade of “no” and placing boundaries on who is worthy of my good nature.

#13 - Rule Britannia. My “Downton Abbey” obsession has pretty much allowed me to apply a Dowager Countess of Grantham (played by Dame Maggie Smith) zinger to every aspect of my life and I am 100% okay with this fact.

#14 - Clothes Horse. I have no shame in the vast dress collection I’ve amassed over the years. I don’t care if people notice I try not to repeat outfits. I show my personality through my clothing. I worked for years wearing a uniform at Wegmans and my personality was stifled. When I became a teacher, I relished in the opportunity to select my own outfits. I buy quality over quantity in order to ensure my clothes will last me for a long time. I’m happy to say I’m still wearing clothes purchased during my undergrad years to work. I’m, however, happier that I get to be myself when I go to work.

#15 - Maggie. Not everyone can say their sibling is their best friend. That’s not the case with my younger sister. We may be complete opposites - my dad says we’re night and day - but there is no one else I can trust and rely on as much as her. I admire her raw talent with music, her ability to know when something is bothering me, and her willingness to always try to help me feel better. I’m blessed in this life with her as my sister...and best friend.

#16 - Blunt Honesty. I’ve learned, even if it means getting my heart broken and watching someone leave me (in spite of my honesty), that it truly is better to lay all my cards on the table than let the relationship progress. Case in point, this summer’s disaster with a guy named Chris. Everything seemed to be going well, until one visit to my gynecologist later, where I received news that I would have difficulty conceiving. I broke the news to Chris, and (predictably) he broke my heart. He left me because he didn’t want to wait around for intimacy (the news I received involved me going to physical therapy to help make the conceiving more likely...and a pause on anything between us). Him leaving me hurt. No shit it hurt. It still hurts, knowing I wasn’t enough for him to stay and accept me as I am - because I sure accepted him and his baggage. He was the first guy I opened up to after two years of no dating and recovering from the mental state my ex left me in. I truly thought hey, this could go somewhere wonderful, but I was wrong.

It was painful watching someone I finally trusted walk away from me. I’ll never understand why he wanted to hurt me the way he did. At least, however, I’m not wondering if he would’ve left me later...had we continued to develop our relationship. The longer we would’ve stayed together, the more he would have hurt me in the long run, so thank God he left me when he did.

Plus, you know, forgiveness and stuff (see #8).

For him and for me.

#17 - Two Subarus Later...I bought my first Subaru, completely financed on my own, while I was in grad school. I decided to purchase an Impreza sedan, knowing I needed a car that was reliable, good on gas, and drove well in the winter. Subaru’s All Wheel Drive feature was an added bonus. That Impreza got me back and forth between my commute to George Mason, Wegmans, and when I started teaching, all the way to Dumfries from the west end of the county I live in (almost an hour commute - one way). I paid the Impreza off over a year ago. I was enjoying the no car payment (especially since I’ve recently acquired a mortgage) until my Impreza was put to the ultimate test when I was rear ended this past October on my way to work. Subaru’s reliability lived up to its name that day - my Impreza was totaled, but I was not. Save for a slight concussion, back aches, and exacerbated pelvic pain, (hello, chiropractor!) I walked away from that accident without a single physical injury. When my insurance sent the check of my car’s value, I already knew my new car was going to be a Subaru. Even though I have a car payment again, and I wasn’t happy with how I had to get a new car, I am in love with my roomier Crosstrek. I am more in love with the fact that I’m alive. Rest in peace, my dear little Impreza. Thanks for doing your job of protecting me.

#18 - The Writer. I’d love to try something different and publish a book. Wouldn’t it be amazing to make a career over people wanting to purchase and read your original words? Everyone always tells me I should try to be an author and create some life changing novel, but every time I find myself with an idea, I cringe at my writing and tell myself that I’ll never publish anything. I have drafts saved and I have ideas flourishing. I need to be brave and, as my favorite professor at George Mason told me once, “just write it.” The words and ideas will manifest. I know they will.

#19 - Casa de Gallo. It took a pandemic and an insane housing market to hasten my decision to make one of the ultimate life decisions: home ownership. I placed my down payment in October of 2020 and by April of 2021, I was listed on the deed as the “sole owner” of my beautiful little townhouse. The walls are still bare and I have some small projects I need to fulfill, but I’m steadily making my townhouse a true home. I didn’t think I’d ever say I could be a homeowner before I turned thirty...but with persistence, a dad with excellent financial advice, and incredible interest rates, I made it happen. Hello mortgage, hello independence.

#20 - Cat Mom. If I choose to get a cat, I already know I want a boy so I can name him “Ike” and continue with my family’s tradition of naming our cats after American army generals. I look forward to seeing “Ike,” named after General Dwight D. Eisenhower, playing with his older cousins, Patton, Pershing, and Millie. I also want my friends to say “I like Ike” whenever they meet him.

#21 - The History Nerds. When I started teaching middle school, I didn’t think my teaching journey would include finding a group of kindred spirits. I ended up becoming so eerily close to the three other teachers I was teamed with when I moved up to teach 7th grade History. In fact, it was because of their input to administration that I was given the position - we had become friends the year before when I first taught Language Arts. Keith, Lisa, and Thomas are more than just my work family. They have become a part of my family. It is because of them that I know family is more than being related by blood. Family is any person who has your back, and these three have had my back, always, since day one. What a blessing to have had the ability to work and befriend such an incredible group of people. As one colleague has described our work dynamic, we were “a freak of nature,” because no one at my previous school had ever witnessed such a cohesive group of coworkers. Even though we’re no longer working at the same school, our little history family is still alive and thriving - especially through our glorious and epic NSFW group chat…

#22 - My Work Moms. Going off that note, I can’t reflect on this post without thinking about the brave, strong, and relentless ladies I met during my first year of teaching. These ladies became my guideposts. These ladies have given me some of the best tough love I’ve needed and I’m grateful they have never left my side. If I didn’t have the kind spirit of Mary Shrum, the practical wisdom of Cathy Rutter, and the divine knowledge of Beverley Cornish in my life, I know I’d still be a floundering, naive, and struggling girl…instead of a woman, trying to become just as brave, strong, and relentless as they act every day.

#23 - Never Give Up, Never Give In. I didn’t think my history program at George Mason would lead me to be mentored and taught by one of the foremost experts on British and Irish history. Dr. Kevin Matthews not only offered the most amazing lectures on all things British; he gave me the confidence to trust in my academic and writing abilities (yes, he was the professor mentioned in #18). Whenever I met challenges with what career track I wanted to take, Dr. Matthews offered me advice and encouragement to never give up (quoting Sir Winston Churchill, naturally) on my dreams. It is largely because of him that I am now an educator of history. I am honored to call such an intelligent and talented professor a colleague and friend.

#24 - My Lady Friends. Liz. Jess. Lisa. Breanna. Kelsey. Cymone. Ana. Regan. These ladies are strong, beautiful, independent, and the most loyal people I’ve ever met. They’re full of wisdom and aren’t afraid to call me out when I’m not the best version of myself. I’ve met these women at different intervals in my life. Liz and Jess go all the way back to middle and high school, and I met the other six ladies when I started teaching. I’ve had friends come and go, but I know at this part in my life, these women are forever friends. Their kind hearts and all the grace they’ve shown only prove to me that they aren’t going anywhere any time soon. They will continue to be by my side as I embrace my thirties. I thank God every day for these beautiful blessings. I know it’s because of His divine intervention that he brought each of them to be involved someway in my life.

#25 - Que Le Vaya Bien. I lost my dear maternal grandmother, Micaela, during this past decade. I miss her every day. She was so involved in my life when we still lived in Texas. I have processed her passing in many ways, mostly with the decision to get her parting words of “que le vaya bien” (all will be well) tattooed on my left forearm in her handwriting. I’m also trying to revive some of her traditions in my own household. Besides learning to make her delicious caldo de pollo, I also have recreated her caldo de res (beef soup), which was my grandfather’s favorite soup. She may not be here on this earth anymore, but her spirit remains active and present in my daily life, and I will ensure it always does.

#26 - Normandy or Bust. My goal was to get to Normandy, France, before I hit this milestone birthday. I wanted to walk the Allied beach heads, go to the cemeteries and museums to learn more about the D-Day Invasion, and immerse myself in the history. Unfortunately, this trip did not manifest, but I’m hopeful that should I make it to France in my thirties, it won’t be a solo trip. I’d love nothing more than to share this with a special someone who will appreciate my passion and nerdiness for military history.

#27 - Motherhood. I really thought by now I’d have had a child of my own. Maybe that’s why I love teaching so much; my students, essentially, are my “children,” and I adore them so much (even when they frustrate me). Right now, I don’t think motherhood, as much as I’d like it to happen to me, will ever be in my future. I, however, pray every day for a sign that it will. I’d love nothing more than to tell my parents that they will become grandparents one day. But really, I’d love nothing more than to be called “mom.”

#28 - Algún Día. Or someday. As in, someday I will fall in love and share my wonderful life with someone who isn’t embarrassed or ashamed of me. As in someday I will wear that white dress and exchange honest and loving words and promises with someone who is ready to give me those same words words and promises. As in someday someone will accept me as I am. Algún día.

#29 - Mamá and Papá. Where do I begin with my parents? My father and I have always had an interesting relationship. He’s hard on me. He can be stubborn. He thinks I can do better than being an educator when it comes to my career. His words and advice about my life choices can be harsh and hurtful. But, I will say, going to therapy and getting an outsider’s perspective on why my father says and does certain things has certainly helped me better navigate our relationship. Things aren’t perfect, but I know setting boundaries and leaving space between us is helpful. I know, deep down, my papá loves me and only wants me to be comfortable and taken care of in this life. I just wish he’d be more understanding and accepting of my life choices…both in my career and my romantic endeavors.

As for my mamá, I will always aspire to be like her. I know she misses me living at home, as we don’t get to talk as much as we did, but I also know she’s proud of me being able to buy a house and create my own home. I know that even as I enter my thirties, she still will see me as her little girl. Although our conversations aren’t as frequent, whenever I do visit her, our time together is more meaningful since we don’t get to see each other every day. She is truly a blessing and (as cliché as this sounds) I truly don’t know what I’d do without her helpful advice, guidance, and her hugs. And her excellent meme/GIF usage whenever she texts me…

#30 - Running on Faith. What I am most grateful for in this new decade is the fact that I get to enter it with a renewed and strengthened spiritual life. After I made it my New Year’s resolution at the start of 2020 to complete a daily rosary, and had my mother join me in this resolution, I really did begin to feel a better connection with the Catholic faith. If we hadn’t been doing our daily rosaries during the lockdown, we would’ve gone insane from the monotony and boredom. My faith has challenged me, but it has never abandoned me, especially during my darkest hours. I have grown exponentially as a faithful and devout follower of Christ in these last two years and I am going to focus on cultivating my faith even more as life goes on. Everything in this life, good and bad, is God’s plan, but my faith has helped me to believe in His plan. Right now, His plan may not be what I’ve so wanted (marriage and children), but the plan I’m currently carrying out is pretty amazing. I’m not going to take the blessings He has given me so far for granted…or at least I’m going to try to remind myself of His blessings whenever I find myself frustrated and angry. I know in my hardest of hearts that the Lord will never forsake me as long as I try not to take my lovely and blessed life for granted.

much love and many happy returns…

-kate