Hello dear readers,

Last week, I attended the funeral of a student.

I never thought I’d have to write that sentence into existence, but here we are.

She was fifteen years old. I taught her two years ago. She was bright eyed, intelligent, sensitive, empathetic, and beautiful - all the attributes you hope your offspring would develop as they mature. Her laughter was infectious. She loved being involved in any school activity you could think of, and I never forgot about her after she moved on to high school.

She battled sickle cell disease her entire life - I remember that she had a 504 on file to document and inform her teachers of her illness - but she never let it hold her back from living her life. She entered high school guns ablazing; she joined the choir and colorguard and was in the midst of her sophomore year, thriving and enjoying her days…until she finally succumbed to her illness on October 5th.

The service was scheduled on October 14th and my principal allowed us to use professional leave if we wanted to attend. Lisa and I both taught her, so we asked if we could go. The leave was granted. I had to struggle not to cry when I told my students why I was going to be absent; that I hoped my reason was valid enough for them to behave while I was out. Her family requested that anyone attending the funeral wear pink, in honor of their daughter’s infectious joy and adoration of the color. I was relieved I didn’t have to wear dour black to pay my respects; it just wouldn’t seem right to wear the hue to a child’s funeral.

Lisa and I sat with the rest of the staff members, including one of my other good friends, Rodrigo, in solidarity at the funeral. The tears were endless, especially when eulogies were made and when the high school chorus she belonged to performed in her honor. It was so heartbreaking to see the chorus students, who were seated in front of us, weep as they remembered the legacy of their friend…someone that they started to share their journeys into young adulthood with.

Her pastor ended the service with the reminder that while she lived such a short life, she lived it to the fullest extent, and that we, especially the adults, who have had an opportunity to truly live, shouldn’t take that for granted.

With those final words, Lisa and I shared a teary hug in the parking lot, and then we drove home.

I have spent the days since the funeral with the pastor’s sermon replaying in my mind.

Have I taken my life for granted?

My sweetest Googie Girl!
-Round Rock, Texas, July 2025

Just last fall, I was close to wanting to end my life. The school year had been miserable, I found no joy in my job, and the one thing I have truly wanted, to fall in love and start a life with someone who wants to love and protect me, had not manifested. I pushed through the year, much to my relief, and spent my summer with my friends, earning extra money, and traveling to Texas so I could finally meet my beloved niece, Gabrielle. I returned home at the beginning of August, recharged and ready to start this current school term. I remember praying and hoping that this year would be so much better…that my students would be so much better…

And much to my relief, with the exception of my student’s funeral, this year has been fabulous. I love my students! They are so polite and kind (for the most part; there are always a few that struggle with behavior) and they make me giggle. We have a great time learning and having fun while learning. This year truly started off wonderfully, despite all the new technology that was thrown at us the first week at school (here’s looking at you, iPads and Newline SMART Boards). I find myself more frustrated with the way the school is run by administration rather than the behavior of the students…and I’ll take that any time, since I interact with my students more than the adults in charge. I know it’s still early days (we haven’t completed the first quarter yet), but my students have already shown their true personalities, and I believe it’s going to be an amazing and fruitful year. I’ve also continued working on curriculum development, and I was invited to be a part of an inquiry design model cohort with other Social Studies teachers in the county. In fact, our first in person meeting will be on my birthday. I’m looking forward to a day of professional development, a catered lunch, and the ability to go to the bathroom whenever I want on my special day.

Really, my only struggle has been trying to come to terms with the fact that I still carry my ex in my heart, even if he has moved on. I know he’s in love with someone else, and I know I never meant anything to him. This doesn’t mean my feelings for him aren’t valid. I miss him and his daughter every single day, but I also remind myself, especially when I’m at church in deep prayer, that the Lord is protecting me from him hurting me more than he already has. He will never realize the sorrow that he put me through the moment we met. He will never own the mistakes he has made. He will never apologize for breaking my heart so long ago when he knew that I felt so strongly about him…and that’s okay. All this realization is my closure. What I find unfair is that he gets to move on and be happy with someone lovelier than I could ever hope to be, while I am here, as unremarkable as ever, praying every day that I will get to share my life, my hopes, my dreams, and my faith with someone who does find me remarkable and, dare I say, even extraordinary.

But then, I think of my student. How she probably wished she could’ve come as far as I have in my life. I’m sure she hoped she could’ve gone to college, earned a degree, and eventually, found a job in something she was passionate about…just like me. I’m sure she wanted her own little home…a corner of the world where she could be safe, with or without a man to share it with her. God’s plan, as bittersweet as it is, was for her to be comforted in His arms and brought into the kingdom of heaven at such an early age so she wouldn’t suffer on earth anymore.

Right now God’s plan for me is to continue my life the way I have for almost thirty-four years…with all of my loved ones, my friends whom I consider family, and my darling cats, by my side. God’s plan is for me to be safe from the selfish, cruel, hurtful and cold heart of my ex, and not constantly wondering if he’s with other women, like I did when we were dating. God‘s plan is for me to be at peace, and to enjoy the blessings and opportunities I have been granted…with or without a husband at my side. There is nothing wrong with that plan, for it is from God and that makes it perfect.

I was listening to The Avett Brothers for comfort during my drive to the funeral. Their lyrics of love, life, faith, and death have always given me strength in dark times, and that was no exception that day. I listened to the title track off The Carpenter album, the inspiration for today’s title post, and the rest of the song summed up the way I felt as I prepared myself to say my goodbyes to my student:

Forever I will move
Like the world that turns beneath me
And when I lose my direction
I'll look up to the sky
And when the black cloak drags upon the ground
I'll be ready to surrender
And remember we're all in this together
If I live the life I'm given I won't be scared to die

We’re all going to leave this earth one day. Just because I haven’t gotten what I want in my life, or because I’m angry my ex gets to be with someone and I’m lonely…that doesn’t mean his life has more meaning than mine. That doesn’t mean he gets to outlive me because he is happy right now and I’m not. We’re both going to die, whether it be sooner or later, and it’s up to myself to embrace what I have been given now as my life. Whomever I have as a husband to share my life with, or if I remain single, will not change the outcome of my inevitable death.

My student lived the life she was given to the fullest every moment she was alive. I sat there, listening to her father’s eulogy; my heart breaking as he told us that she was ready to die peacefully…that she was ready to move on to heaven, because she had done everything she could on earth to live for fifteen years.

It’s time for me to do the same and keep living, to the best of my abilities, in honor of my student and all of my loved ones who have gone before me.

Pray for my student. Pray for her family and friends that are cherishing her name as they come to terms with their loss. Pray that she truly is at peace and free of pain. Pray that her brief, but beautiful impact on this earth, is always remembered.

Pray that you have the strength to live your life as she did…I know I am.

many happy returns,
-kate.

P.S. The aforementioned song is on one of my self-created Spotify playlists; I’ve embedded it here for your convenience:

Hey y’all!

Happy (almost) July! Oh boy, this Oasis lyric/title inspiration from Don’t Look Back in Anger couldn’t be anymore accurate! This Virginia heatwave has been nasty and my allergies are suffering. My poor little Ike has been trying to keep cool amidst his coat of thick black fur, and I’ve brought out the shorts (although I hate how my legs look in them) for my own relief in this weather.

This heatwave, however, means that I’m on summer break. It has finally arrived. Lucky year number seven has ended and I honestly still don’t know how I feel about this, even two weeks after we were dismissed for vacation. I enjoyed my school year content wise; I actually got to the end of my curriculum. I went from 1865 to as “modern” as I could possibly go; the kids learned about globalization, new technologies of the 1990s and, gasp, 2000s, as well as 9/11, during the final weeks of school! I attended some of the end of the year activities as well.

I went to the 8th Grade Awards Night to especially support Lisa’s younger daughter who was being recognized, and then I helped Lisa with her National Junior Honor Society induction ceremony (she’s the sponsor). I got to witness many of my now-8th graders receive membership into this prestigious academic society. Lisa and I also attended the 8th Grade Formal Dance as we usually do. I got the chance to say goodbye to many of the 8th graders I taught the previous year throughout the final week of school. And, as tradition, all of the teachers went to the bus loop and waved off the students (with tears from most of us) as the buses rolled out for the final day of the school year.

This was the end of year “lucky seven” for Lisa and I!

My students that I ended the year with, however?

Well, let’s just say I don’t have any hope that I will trust this group to one day grow up, find steady work, and contribute meaningfully to my Social Security. The sense of entitlement and laziness was real. I’m honestly scared for their future, but it’s also not my problem anymore. They are now 8th graders and I get to see what’s in store for me for my next group of 7th graders. I had no luck in getting into a high school (again), but I will not give up this dream! I will continue to apply and see what comes my way, even if it means teaching English instead of History.

Speaking of teaching English, Cymone and I survived our first week of summer school! We only had two days with the students this past week; the first two days were our work days. We used those days to get our classrooms ready and attended meetings about the summer school expectations. We even had some time to go out on the track and do some walking, despite the 100 degree temperatures! I was a little sunburnt, but it faded within the day, as this Texas girl has always thrived in the sun. It felt amazing getting some sunlight and exercise, and it was easier to do it with Cymone by my side as motivation. We were able to kill time by shooting the shit and before we knew it, we’d walked two miles. I’m so happy that I have Cymone to be my “accountability buddy” as we try to lose some weight.

My summer school students are trying to get credit to pass English 10. They’re taking English 10 a second time because they failed it during the school year. They need to pass this summer if they want to enroll in English 11 and be considered a junior. So far, most of them seem like they want to get the work finished so they can receive their course credit. They’ve been respectful and polite, but not very talkative. They ask for help when needed, so I appreciate all this, especially when my 7th graders caused me a headache most of this past year. These sophomores are indeed a refreshing change. I also like the fact that I get to change things up and teach English, rather than History! I may be a tried and true history nerd, but there is something about explaining texts and writing research papers, poems, and journals that also makes my heart happy. I love to write (this blog is evidence of that) and I’ve mentioned before that I’m trying to piece together a novel (of the romantic and historical fiction variety), so being amongst students taking an English class has certainly revived my dream to continue drafting and editing what I’ve typed so far.

I’ve since been inspired to compose a series of what I’m calling: Letters I Will Never Send. I’ve been in my head lately about my (lack of a) romantic life; how I’m nearing my mid-30s and haven’t come close to getting married. I have so many bottled up feelings and emotions about the men who have come and gone. As the title says, I’m not going to send these new letters to the “recipients.” More than anything, it’s catharsis for me, since I’ll never receive closure from the men who will be “getting” these letters. Some letters will be longer than others; the length, of course, depends on the impact the man had on my life during the time we knew each other. As I write these letters, I will also continue to write my historical romantic fiction novel, and fictionalize my own experiences as the ones my lead heroine will encounter in the plot of my story. The first letter is linked if you are interested in reading through it, as you, dear readers, are not the intended recipient. I doubt the intended recipient will ever read it…and even if he stumbled upon my words…I could care less. He’s not a factor in my life anymore and I don’t aim to please him. My words won’t impact him, especially when we haven’t talked in almost a year!

All this writing I’m doing is not to say I’ve lost interest in teaching History! Just today, I had a call with the the History & Social Sciences curriculum specialist of the county I’m employed with. The state of Virginia finally released the new units of study and standards public schools will need to follow. I, alongside Lisa and four other teachers in the county, have been tasked with creating new unit guides and suggested lessons for other 7th grade middle school teachers to use. This is to help all teachers have adequate materials as we familiarize ourselves with teaching the new standards (the Industrialization/Gilded Age unit alone is a behemoth). This is paid work as well, so it’ll be nice to pocket some extra money while creating engaging resources for my fellow history teachers to use! I’m always happiest when I’m working on anything history based, so completing these resources is certainly not what I would call boring! It’s also great professional development; I’m hopeful that my experience with curriculum work can get me a position with the department at the county level. That would be a dream…and it would get me out of the classroom!

A rare photo of Mamie (the tortie) and her brother Ike.

After summer school is finished, I will have two whole weeks to myself before year eight arrives and I have to do the history teacher thing all over again. Those of you who think teachers just do fuck-all (pardon my language but it’s necessary) during the summer, well, as you can see in my case, we do not. Many of us hold a second job and/or attend professional development sessions, all while maintaining a home life and trying to mentally recharge after 180 days of dealing with children. And you can’t even say we get three whole months to enjoy; it’s only eight weeks! My summer, summer school or not, really does fly by.

I’m grateful for the time I do have to work on my personal writing, bonding with Ike and Mamie, sleeping in when I can, and spending time with my friends and family. I’m blessed really, to have most of the summer to focus on myself. I’ll try to plan a weekend to Richmond (I need a VMFA/Floris/brewery day) with Breanna. She and I usually go to the Floris tea room at the VMFA and enjoy a beautiful high tea service after visiting the museum exhibits (they’re currently featuring Frida Kahlo’s artwork). I love getting all dressed up for our tea, but I love even more that Breanna will actually do this with me! We just need to figure out a weekend that works for both of us. Maybe I can talk her into going to The Answer for a beer and some yummy Vietnamese food…

*what a life it would beeeee…if you could come to mine for tea… (Floris, Richmond, VA - April 2025)*

Breanna, her husband (my fellow history nerd/former teacher), Thomas, and Jessica and I will definitely be headed to Great Meadow for their 4th of July fireworks show this week. Cymone and I plan to be “ladies who lunch” and enjoy a nice meal out once a week after we’re done with summer school for the day. Lisa and I will probably drunk brunch at our favorite restaurant, Ted’s Bulletin (I need me a Ted’s Tart, stat), at some point when we’re not working on curriculum planning, and I’ve got birthday celebrations for my mamá and papá this month!

I’m praying I finalize my trip to Texas. Last time I visited was Spring 2022 and as I’ve stated before, I’m now a tía! My niece, Gabrielle, is now over a year old and I still haven’t met her, so I need to get to Texas to meet her and spend a few days with my brother and sister-in-law.

Busy, busy, indeed, but I’m all the more blessed for having so many wonderful and fun summertime distractions with my most favorite people.

Gabrielle makes the same face I do whenever there’s cake in front of me! Isn’t she the *sweetest*?

It’s also Britpop summer, as Oasis will officially start their reunion tour in Cardiff, Wales on July 4th. I’d much rather be in Wales for Independence Day to witness this epic first concert, but I guess I’ll have to live vicariously through social media for tour updates. I wasn’t even close to getting on the waitlist for the Chicago gig at Soldier Field. Alas, I won’t get to see the Britpop legends live for the reunion, but at least I can say I went to one of their concerts in my lifetime.

So, feliz summer y’all! Keep posted for more frequent updates since I’ve got more time back to write to my heart’s content.

many happy returns,

-kate.

the once and future carpenter.

step outside, summertime's in bloom...